April 16, 2015

I've been busy....

I cringe, as I sit here thinking it's been five, GASP!, five months since I've checked in!! Well, my friends, I'm going to be very honest when I say I've had a very rough school year. I have a few precious boys with behavior issues, one with very major issues, and each and every single day was a struggle. I did everything I could and sought as much help as I could get, but at the end of the day I felt defeated. I felt so defeated that I would sit at my desk and pray, and cry, and pray again asking the Lord to give me strength. I also told him that I knew I was not put on this earth to just pay bills and die, a little dramatic, I know. I spoke to my administrator about taking the rest of the school year off, but of course he didn't seem too keen on that idea. He did offer to give me more support, and he re-assigned an aide into my classroom for a majority of the day.

I continued to pray and ask God to guide me. I questioned whether this was the job for me. I questioned everything. At that moment, I wanted to kick myself for going into the teaching field. I thought about resigning but wondered what would I do. I love teaching, but that flame was burning out rather quickly. Then one day, before heading home, as I unplugged my cell phone, this image popped up out of no where from my instagram account.



I don't know what it was but it was just what I needed at that time. During my lowest points, I am always quick to forget that the Lord is still with me. While I may not understand his test, whoever said "whatever doesn't kill you, only makes you stronger" was definitely right. You may or may not believe this but two days later, my precious boy transferred. His father got a job in another town and he was withdrawing immediately. It was very bittersweet, and trust me, I felt terrible, but in my heart I knew that God wouldn't give me anything I couldn't handle, and he knew I was struggling. I still have a lot of guilt, thinking I could have done more, or gave more of myself. I gave that boy a big hug on his last day and he will forever have a place in my heart.

I debated sharing this story with you, because I don't want to seem like a Debbie Downer, but I wanted to put it out there in case you have a similar story, and so you know you are not alone. Our job is never easy, and sometimes we don't always get the credit we deserve. Not many people can do what we do, day in and day out. I love Kindergarten, but I've decided to accept my administrator's offer to move to another grade next year. I'm not sure where I'll go, I'd honestly love to stay in Kinder, but I have to keep my faith and believe that everything happens for a reason, and maybe this move will turn out to be something just as great. 

I will definitely keep you posted! 

5 comments:

  1. Thank you SO much for sharing. I understand the guilt, but just know we do the very best we can! I have had a similar year...I threw myself into blogging and professional development because teaching felt so disheartening. I also gained ten pounds! :( I hope to never have a year like this ever again, but I have learned a lot (about myself) during it. I know your story will resonate with many and I thank you again for sharing. I'm sure your next year will go much smoother...you deserve it! Jen

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    1. Thank- you for your sweet words and encouragement!

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  2. I'm so glad you shared! It's important to not keep it all bottled up inside. Your situation sounds so much like mine 2 years ago. I had 1 student who's behavior was a HUGE problem. By the end of the year the district's behavior specialist was in my room for days on end observing and helping. And after observing him and me, she told me that she had no recommendations for me because I was doing everything right. After spending those days with us, she recommended to the district that he be moved to a school with a behavior unit. It was the best decision for him. He so needed it and I needed my class back! I was so defeated and worn out. I actually ended up putting in my resignation that year, with a heavy heart. I had been broken. Broken so far that I just couldn't do it anymore. I'm proud of you for standing up for yourself and talking to your principal and I hope that the move to another grade next year will be just what you need to get your momentum back! :)

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    1. I'm so sorry to hear that! I've always been one to believe that when one door closes another one opens. I love Kindergarten but I am coming to grips with the reality that maybe it is time for me to move grades. Thank- you for commenting and showing your support :)

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